The college drop-off

For many parents, fall means the start of college and often the first big goodbye. Tis the season of the dorm room drop-off, to which all roads seem to lead.

The touching, awkward scenes played out across the Case campus as freshman arrived for Discover Week in August. Parents hugged their children on sidewalks cluttered with boxes and overstuffed Ikea bags. Some cried. Some smiled bravely. No one was quite ready, I can assure you.

We took our youngest off to college recently and left her at the start of her new adventure, one that does not include us. Not really. Not anymore. We did this two years ago with her older brother. But this time it felt like I was letting go of more.

My daughter got her smarts and her beauty from her mom but dad played some nurturing roles, too. Once upon a time, I read her stories at night and waited with her for the school bus in the morning. I was the one who addressed the letters to Santa. When she found them on top of my dresser one day, she spread them out on our bed to show her dismay and her fury. (I still feel bad about that).

I served her hundreds of volleyballs on the front lawn, attended years of her plays and recitals, and anxiously taught her how to drive. Now I appear to be out of tasks when, really, I was just getting good at this.

The drive to college was a two-hour blur. Drop-off went too quickly. When she leaned in to hug me goodbye, I forced myself to breath. She said all the right things. But as she turned to go, I could see her face alight with excitement. Wait, I wanted to say. Don’t go yet.

We left her on a big campus in a strange world with roommates she had just met. Is she ready?

I’m not.